You CAN Find Life AFTER DIVORCE

You CAN Find Life AFTER DIVORCE
 by: Connie Butler
It's All About Change
One of the most radical and often devastating changes that aperson may experience is the change accompanying a divorce. But you don't have to flounder through it all alone. Whatif you had help charting a course to the life you trulywanted to live? What if you could leverage this time ofchange to create the life of your dreams? What if youreceived support and guidance through the transition frompain and confusion to thriving in your new life?
I can help.
At the core, my work with people revolves around creatingeffective change - I am a skilled change agent movingclients through the often choppy waters of a complex life.
Many of the women I work with have been through divorce andare trying to work through the complexity of putting thepast behind them, identifying the resources they have andthose they need to help them move forward. They are workingtowards a renewal of their personal power and are interestedin building self-confidence. Often they are faced withupgrading their employment skills or entering the work forcefor the first time when they are faced with financialpressures. Some are learning what it means to be alone andreestablishing the confidence of independence. Although itcan be an extremely confusing, often overwhelming time, thehidden silver lining is that it can also be a potent time torestructure, revision and recreate a life based onprinciples that can bring you the fulfillment and excitementyou desire. My goal in working with you is to help youbetter understand the steps needed to get you there!
I went though a divorce as a young adult with no support andknow first hand the difficulty that many people go throughwhen they are trying to rebuild a positive and fulfillinglife after all of the "legal dust" has settled. Iexperienced first hand how difficult and painful therebuilding process can be with no support. My experiencecoupled with over 18 years of helping people navigatecomplex change establishes my ability as a trusted changeagent in developing a satisfying life after divorce.
I am so blessed to do this work because in it I participatein the process of real and substantive positive change inthe lives of my clients. What a remarkable, real andinspiring undertaking. It calls on me to bring myselftotally present with each of my client calls. It expands mycapacity for understanding and recognition of the amazingopportunity we each have to affect not only our own livesbut that of the planet as a whole. It shows me and myclients over and over again the unique qualities each of uspossess and how precious those qualities are. If each of ustruly understood that our very being ness is exactly whatour lives and the lives of others require to thrive would wehold back anything? Would we allow the next moment tohappen, move into it and meet it fully? Would we bring ourwhole selves forward on this adventure of life?
That is what real living is about - not holding back fromeach individual moment whether it holds great joy or sorrowbut having the willingness to live it fully. Each moment isa moment of change and that change can be profoundly movingif we participate in it fully.
In this article I will be outlining several ways for you toget started on your own right now.
Get Support:
Hopefully you already have the support of family andfriends. But finding the RIGHT kind of support is what iskey here. Often, unfortunately, family and friends, thoughwell meaning, may have their own agendas for you. One of theessential components of this change is that it is based onYOU: your clarity, your dreams and what you want. It isvital that you determine who in your life allows you todiscover what you want and go to them. Basing your own self-development program on what YOU want is the first step inbuilding self- confidence again. Make sure they have yourbest interests at heart and not just what they think youneed. If this does not seem to be available, see if you havea trusted clergy member, a counselor, a support group, or agood coach. I believe you need ample time to discover whatit is that you want next and do all you can to support THAT.
Forgive Yourself:
The greater your willingness to forgive yourself, thegreater will be your enthusiasm and creativity in movingforward. Many people harbor feelings of failure about theirdivorce. Many blame themselves and continue to go over allthat they might have done differently. Self-judgment is likethe cross-current that will immediately send you off course.It is the one thing that can destroy your self-confidenceand any creative idea you may have for the future. It isoften a natural way to deal with all of the chaos andupheaval- we immediately blame ourselves or our spouse. Itis a negative attempt to gain control. But effectively itdefeats your dreams and keeps you tied to the past. Look forways to forgive and nurture yourself; defend yourselfagainst any of your self-judgments. Essentially, they areuntrue and you can move past them. My soon-to-be launchedAudio/Workbook program can give you the tools you need todeal with Judgment.
Discover What You Want:
Often in very important relationships our identity becomesso entwined with another that when it ends we are not surewho we are. This perceived loss of self is actually thedeepest pain of the separation. You need time to rediscoveryourself outside of the relationship. You require enoughspace and peace to be able to envision a new, bright future.Right now you may be using your imagination to see all ofthe possible negative outcomes. The important thing for youto realize here is that you are using your imagination tosupport these old thoughts and actions. Our imaginations arean amazingly powerful and creative tool. See if you canbegin to use it to support you not hobble you.
Start by letting yourself imagine what you would like to seein your new life. Take a moment right now, close your eyes,take a few breaths and consider one thing you would like tochange. Use your imagination to envision or sense it alreadyin your life. Let yourself feel what it would be like tohave it already in place. Use the inspiration of that tofuel your actions.
Action the Change:
Now the next important thing is to start actioning thatchange. Change does not happen unless you take targetedaction. If you need help seeing how to practice makingchange you can sign up for my F.r.e.e eClass that will leadyou through the basic steps of change. You can click herehttp://www.conniebutler.biz/change_signup.php to sign up forthis F.r.e.e. eClass and download it immediately. You canstart making those changes right now. Use the principles inthis class to start making smaller changes so you can buildthe inner strength and resolve needed to make the largerchanges effectively.
Good, targeted reading can add another level of support toaction. You can access some books to support you here:http://www.conniebutler.biz/resources.php.
As you look at your current life and envision what you wantchoose one area that you wish to change. What do you need assupport to make that change? You may need to access aquality within yourself. The quality may be courage or faithor strength. You may need the courage to try something new.You may need the faith to believe the change is possible.And you may need the strength to take the action required.Start developing the quality that will most leverage thechange you want.
Who or what might help you take the action. Perhaps you needa buddy. Someone who encourages you and to whom you areaccountable. Do all you can to put that support in place.One of the things I see in my work with clients is thenecessity to notice the smallest increments of change. Whenyou notice change as you are taking action your motivationfor more action increases.
Continue to envision the change you want. Eventually themomentum of action will increase and you will find yourselfmoving along the line of growth and action that will bringsubstantive change into your life. This is one of the mostimportant transitions of your life. Give yourself all youneed to create the life that will bring you the satisfactionand fulfillment. In the process you can also access my eBook
"Thriving After Divorce - 3 Key Principles for Creating aFantastic Life in 30 Days" athttp://www.conniebutler.biz/divorce.php.
"Nothing will change until you change. Everything willchange when you change."~ Lou DiCaprio